Bittersweet news

After waiting and waiting and waiting, round 2 has finally started! I got super close to my doctor’s office giving me something to kick start my body again…. sure glad that didn’t have to happen!

Next step is starting birth control again (in 3 days) then getting an ultrasound to make sure my uterus is still looking good. If so, when my next cycle starts I will start the medication protocols again!

My excitement for this process is bittersweet, though. Sure, I’m excited that we can start again. But today would have marked 20 weeks with the little guy. I would have been halfway through the pregnancy, halfway to the time I got to deliver him into his parent’s arms.

I am praying that this next chance will work out. But honestly, I am a bit afraid. I’ve never felt this before toward pregnancy. Mine have always worked out so well, so easy. The fact that he passed mere days after I saw him growing so well on an ultrasound is heartbreaking. The fact that I didn’t know for weeks is scary to me. What if it happens again? What if I don’t know. What if, what if, what if.

But what if it ends the most perfect way? What if I have a normal, easy pregnancy? What if I get to watch a little miracle baby look up at his/her parents for the first time? What if I get to see two people go from a couple, to a family? That’s the “what ifs” I am going to try to focus on. This is a new chance, a new situation, and a new life.

Thanks for coming along on this journey with me!

❤ Stephanie

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